


Nothing Hurts Like No You

by ZairaA



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Arthur Finds Out, Arthur Pendragon Is King, Banishment, Banter, Canon Era, Epistolary, Feelings, Idiots in Love, Letters, M/M, Magic Revealed, Oblivious Arthur, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-14
Updated: 2017-01-14
Packaged: 2018-09-13 11:42:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9122053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZairaA/pseuds/ZairaA
Summary: After Merlin's magic was revealed, Arthur banished him from Camelot, but Merlin is not just going to accept that. From his exile in Ealdor, he starts writing Arthur letters. When Arthur finally responds they manage to slowly understand and open their hearts to each other.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Skitz_phenom](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skitz_phenom/gifts).



> Dear Skitz_phenom, the holidays might be mostly over, but who doesn't like a belated present to draw them out just that little bit longer? It truly was my privilege to write something for you. I'm sorry if I didn't have the time to go full on slow build, but I think it's implied that the boys' epiphany has been a long time coming. I hope you enjoy this little epistolary fic! Happy New Year! :)
> 
> Thanks to my lovely beta team, you know who you are and you're awesome!

_From Merlin— on the other side of the border and not one toe over it—to his Majesty King Arthur of Camelot, first week of Winterfylleth:_

Dear Arthur,

Percival is waiting, so I'll be brief. I can't believe you banished me! Really? After all I've done for you _—_ and after I saved your overly swollen dunderhead yet again _—_ that's your answer? How is that just and fair, Arthur? How can you be the Greatest King of All Time when you're this petty and pig-headed? And then you didn't even tell me yourself!

But you know what? Good riddance. Let's see how you get on without me. You do realize that banishment means I'm not going to be there any longer, yeah? There will be no one to pull you out of whatever kind of a piffle you'll undoubtedly get yourself into by next Thursday at the latest. You don't get to drag me all over the countryside or make fun of me for cheap giggles, and I won't hustle you into bed and hold your head over the chamber pot after a night in the tavern with Gwaine. No more back rubs after training or snuggling up on cold nights (unless you want to ask George). No one who'll wangle your favourite treats from Cook or save you from handsy servant girls. 

So you might want to reconsider this complete horse shit you're pulling here, Arthur, because, by the gods, I won't come running for the next besiegement! 

Yours, indignantly,

Merlin

~*~

 

_From Merlin at Ealdor to his Majesty King Arthur of Camelot, second week of Winterfylleth:_

Dear Arthur,

I'm not sure if you got the letter I sent with Percival and the highly unnecessary escort that took me to the border of Essetir. I'm just writing to ask if you've calmed down yet. I'm with my mother at Ealdor but I'm starting to get bored out of my mind, so anytime you want to come to your senses would be very much appreciated. 

I mean what would you have me do? Not redirect the axe that would have split your pretty head? You've known me for ten years, Arthur. I had magic all this time and I bloody well used it because that's what it's for. I used it to save your sorry hide, again and again. I used it to save your men and even your father. How can that be treasonous? This whole magic is evil schtick is total nonsense. You were born of magic, Arthur! It's a part of you, just like it is for me, why can't you see that? What, exactly, are you accusing me of? All I did was use what I was born with to help you. Because I believed in you. 

I just want you to know that you're an ass.

Yours, morosely,

Merlin

~*~

 

_From Merlin at Ealdor to his Majesty King Arthur of Camelot, still second week of Winterfylleth:_

Come on, Arthur, is this really necessary? It's been two weeks! I know you're angry with me right now, but are you sure you've thought this through? How long did it take for George to drive you bonkers? My guess is two days tops. Can't we just let bygones be bygones? Kiss and make up? Shake hands or manly punch each other's shoulders if we must? Please. I love my mother dearly, as you well know, but she's way too perceptive and I'm not sure how much longer I can convince her that this is a vacation. I'm properly chastened. Can I come home now?

I'll even polish your boots. All fourteen pairs! 

Yours, desperately,

Merlin 

~*~

 

_From his Majesty King Arthur of Camelot to the banished Sorcerer Merlin at Ealdor, third week of Winterfylleth:_

Merlin.

You. Lied. To. Me.

I'd rather put up with George than a liar.

Especially since he knows I have sixteen pairs of boots.

Your King and Sovereign

~*~

 

_From Merlin at Ealdor to his obnoxious Majesty King Arthur of Camelot on the fourth week of Winterfylleth:_

Dear Arthur,

If I'm a liar, then you're a toad brain! How did you think you mysteriously managed to keep not dying? How did you think you defeated dragons and questing beasts while you were unconscious? It's not my bloody fault that you never put one and one together and realized it equals sorcery. It's not like I didn't want to tell you, but when—pray tell—would have been a good time for it? When your father's idea of a Sunday roast involved a pyre in the courtyard? After he died—and by the way I tried to save him even though he would have had me beheaded for it—and you swore bloody revenge? Do I have to remind you that magic is still fucking illegal in Camelot? And do I have to remind you that after I saved your stupid arse again, you went and banished me??

And you have fourteen pairs of boots. You lost one pair in the Perilous Lands and the other one was eaten by that rat. See, it helps if someone is keeping track of these things!

And don't think I'll come home until you APOLOGIZE. Maybe you can ask Gwen how it's done.

Yours, seethingly,

Merlin

~*~

 

_From his Majesty King Arthur of Camelot  to the rightfully banished Sorcerer Merlin at Ealdor, first day of the Blót Month:_

Dear Merlin,

You want an apology now? How about this: I apologise that I gave you a place in the royal household, a place right by my side, even though you were the most abysmal servant that ever crossed my path. I apologise that I defied my father for you, and risked my life for you. I apologise that I trusted you above anyone. I was a fool.

Arthur

~*~

 

_From Merlin at Ealdor to his Majesty King Arthur of Camelot, second week of Blót Month:_

Dear Arthur,

that's not bloody fair. I risked my life for you, too. I risked my life every damn day living in Camelot, and you know why I did it? You know why I stayed? For you. Every damn thing I've done was for you, you horse fart! You don't know how often I wanted to tell you everything. But I was scared. Not for my life—well, not only for that. I was scared that you'd send me away, and I wouldn't be able to protect you any longer. I was scared that something would happen to you.  ~~I was scared that you'd hate me.~~

Do you really hate me now?

Yours, inadvertently,

Merlin

~*~

 

_From his Majesty King Arthur of Camelot  to the Sorcerer Merlin at Ealdor, fourth week of the Blót Month:_

Dear Merlin,

Do I hate you? Sometimes. You might not realize it, but I have people petitioning for mercy on your behalf every day. They've all stood before me. Gaius. Lancelot. Gwen. Gwaine. People from the town and the surrounding villages. People who claim that you helped them. And all I can think is that you trusted them when you never trusted me. That's what it comes down to, Merlin. I trusted you more than anyone else in my life. You trusted everyone else more than me.

Yours,

Arthur

~*~

 

_From Merlin at Ealdor to his Majesty King Arthur of Camelot, first week before Yule:_

I'm sorry.

Arthur, I'm sorry. Can you believe that at least? I'm honestly not sure what to say. I'm not sure if it will help to tell you that I never voluntarily shared my secret with anyone. They all found out by accident. Even Gaius. But more importantly, none of them were you. None of them had the power to destroy me. You still have that power, and not even by putting me on the pyre. You're special, Arthur. In so many more ways than you can imagine. Do you know that we share a destiny? At least that's what has been foretold according to the druids. Apparently we are two sides of the same coin. And maybe that means we're damned to never see eye to eye, but it also means that I'll always be with you, Arthur. I'll always have your back, even if you don't want me to.

I miss ~~you~~ Camelot, and I want to come home. Please. Please, let me come home.

Yours, ruefully,

Merlin

~*~

 

_From his Majesty King Arthur of Camelot  to Merlin at Ealdor, second week before Yule:_

Merlin,

I can't. You broke the law. I cannot break it, too. Not even for you.

I really wish you had told me, and that I had not been blindsided like this by your betrayal. ~~That's what hurt the most.~~ I don't know that everything would have been different if you had told me—I want to say that I would have taken it well, but we both know that's probably not true. But I believe I would have listened. Eventually. Given time, I would have found a way to deal with all the implications and consequences of who and what you are. Because there are consequences, even if you can't see that.

But most of all, I would have known you, Merlin. Instead of living with an illusion.

Yours,

Arthur

~*~

 

_From Merlin at Ealdor to his Majesty King Arthur of Camelot, still second week before Yule:_

Arthur,

you do know me. I'm still the same person I've always been, I haven't changed! I'm still your friend. 

I know that I should have told you, but I always thought there would be a right time coming. I guess I was an idiot, waiting for that one perfect moment where I could finally tell you everything and you would understand and forgive me and all would be well. I didn't realise that, after all these years, the right time had long passed me by.

I'm sorry I lied to you. 

 ~~I'm sorry I hurt you.~~   

Yours, faithfully,

Merlin

~*~

 

_From his Majesty King Arthur of Camelot  to Merlin at Ealdor, third week before Yule:_

Dear Merlin,

I believe I do understand. And I know what it's like to wait for the right moment, only for it to never come. I still think you were wrong, but I admit that I possibly did not appreciate how difficult the situation was for you.

I've been thinking a lot, lately, about the last ten years and everything that happened, looking at it with new, unblinded eyes. I'm still not certain that I owe you an apology, but I think what I do owe you is gratitude. You know that my own personal safety has never been of such great importance to me, but you saved more than just your king's life. You saved Camelot, probably more times than I know. 

I'm not sure what the right path is. Maybe the law in regard to sorcery is too harsh, but it still  ~~~~is the law. How can it be up to the king's discretion to decide who gets punished for breaking it and who doesn't? If I grant you mercy, is it only because of ~~what I feel for you~~  the special bond ~~of friendship~~ between master and servant? If I hesitate, is it only because your betrayal was personal?

After all ~~we've been through~~  that happened can I even ask you to ~~come back and forgive me~~ serve a king who ~~~~did not protect you as fully as he should?

~~I know the bond we shared has been broken and there is no way that you could ever lo~~

I hope you're well.

Yours,

Arthur

~*~

 

_From Merlin at Ealdor to Arthur, King of Camelot, third week before Yule:_

Dear Arthur,

are you saying what I think you're saying? Is it truly possible that after all these years, you're still this emotionally constipated? I mean—what the hell? What do you think why I kept sending away all those handsome knights and noblemen? Gwaine tried for ages, even though he was well aware I was saving myself for someone else. I'm so mad at you right now! Why did you never tell me? I always thought it was just me. It was driving me insane! 

Honestly, Arthur, if I had known the reason for your obnoxiousness was that you were secretly pining after my spectacular arse, I would have ~~beaten~~ talked some sense into you a long time ago! So don't you dare use this as an excuse to send me away, Arthur, do you hear me?

I'm waiting for your pardon!

Yours, exasperatedly,

Merlin  

~*~

 

_From his Majesty King Arthur of Camelot  to Merlin at Ealdor, fourth week before Yule:_

Merlin,

I have no idea—what are you even talking about? ~~I didn't say anything about having relations~~  I simply tried to express my gratitude and acknowledge our ~~friendship~~ ~~bond~~  relationship of dependency. I am well aware that ~~it's not appropriate for the king to wish to bugger his servant~~  as the king of Camelot, I have a duty to my subjects—of which you are one—and my privilege does not grant me the right to act selfishly, nor would I ever put undue pressure on ~~you~~  someone I am sworn to protect.

I'm not trying to make excuses for your banishment—which was  ~~painful~~ lawful. I simply wondered if under the circumstances you'd even wish to return. Even though  ~~I miss you~~  your absence has been tiresome, it might be the best for you, and I find that is my greater concern.

I'm sorry, if my words caused you distress.

Arthur

(I'm sending this letter with Leon, because Gwaine expressed a dire wish to muck out the stables for the upcoming weeks.)

 ~*~

 

_From Merlin at Ealdor to his most lovable idiot, Arthur of Camelot, fourth week before Yule:_

Arthur,

you truly are a turnip head.

I love you, too, you dimwit!

And I'm coming home. It's up to you whether you'll throw me in the dungeons or find some more enjoyable form of punishment. I can assure you that I'm very willing to make the sorcerer thing up to you. Repeatedly and creatively. For as long as you'll have me. 

Because I will forever remain 

Yours,

Merlin

~*~

 

_From Arthur, the turnip head to Merlin, the Eve before Yule:_

Merlin,

 ~~I've been an idiot~~   ~~forgive me~~

~~I will be waiting for you~~

~~I love you too I always have~~

Come home.

Arthur

 

 

 


End file.
